i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
