i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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