My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
