Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
