NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
