he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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