you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
