I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
