I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
