it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
