the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
