singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am available for nakedness
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
