hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize