I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
