I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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