thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
