he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
