Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
