am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
