I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hippo gnu deer
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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