please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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