My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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