apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
