1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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