____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
