So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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