tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
