I'm eating all of the evidence.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
