Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
