I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
