I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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