just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
