the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
