She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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