yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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