franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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