i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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