If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
