so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
