You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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