so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
