my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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