I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize