Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize