Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
