No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
