Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
is that a dick in a sweater?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
