Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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