so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
