Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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