I must be too annoying 4 u.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
