My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
