My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
