dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
