Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
