I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
