Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
