I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
