Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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