Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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