You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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