Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
