we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
