She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
