Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
